Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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