i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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