my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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