btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
