I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
