I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
