god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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