Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
