my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
