My room smells like vodka and shame
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
