Acid is not a monday night drug
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
