I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
