Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
