You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
