I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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