My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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