i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Randomize
