Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
