White coat. Heels.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
