I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
