now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
