Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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