I feel like I'm in dance class right now
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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