dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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