I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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