accomplished twins. life is a go
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
