dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
