I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
