Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize