it hurts more in the daytime
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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