The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
