I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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