I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
