We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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