Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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