I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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