Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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