I'm jealous of your bromance
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
