i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
