Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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