One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
