Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
