Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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