just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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