I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Houston, we have a blender
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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