i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
