I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
