in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The best revenge is premature balding
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
