So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
