He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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