i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
