just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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