You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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