just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
