1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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