Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
