he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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