i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
