UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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