I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
