It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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