never play flip cup with pint glasses
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
