u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
