I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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