new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
