so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Can I color on your dick again?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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