I hate all girls vehemently.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
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