I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You were trust falling into bushes
I know her cup size but not her name....
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