you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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