did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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