whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
