I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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