im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
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Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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